The Power is YOURS!

I've been told I need to update. Fair enough, really, the previous entries weren't very good to begin with, so for anyone interested enough in my blog to come back time after time only to see the same old boring entries confronting them must test your patience. So, I decided to give in to popular request and make another entry. Hopefully this one won't be the most boring so far - although as you can imagine, it's up against some pretty stiff competition so I'd have to try hard to take that mantle.

It's also a pretty short entry, so don't expect a proposition from Wittgenstein.



While procrastinating on assignments, I uncovered some disturbing information on the internet.

Okay. That's not very revelatory, is it? Disturbing information on the internet? I'm less likely to find bigots at a Liberal Party meeting.

Maybe I should clarify. I have uncovered the deep, dirty and disgusting secrets of Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

That's right. Captain Planet.



Now, Captain Planet was, as I am sure you will agree, a gem of childhood. Not only us, as children, enjoyed his flamboyant good-looks and pollution-fighting skills, but to our parents he gave out a positive message: fight pollution, kids, especially when perpetrated by an obese man with a pig-like nose and ears and the mannerisms to go with them, going by the name of Hoggish Greedly.

So it was a genuine and terrible shock to me to discover the following information.

Captain Planet was created by Jane Fonda.


What.

The.

Hell.


But, as Tim, the advertising man would say, "but wait - there's more!"

Yes, children - more crimes in the name of children's entertainment.

Shall we take a look at the various voice talent that portrayed our heroes and villians? Or shall we not, and leave our childhood memories untainted? Read on, friends, and discover a woeful tale of destruction and evil unlike any you've heard before.


Gaia, our wonderful mother earth. Voice by who else than:
















Our favourite eyebrow-less actor, Whoopie Goldberg, of course!




That effervacious baddie, Looten Plunder was played by none other than:





















James Coburn, obviously!


Now, for a double-whammy, a duet virtually grown on midday TV! Firstly, we have Mary Tyler Moore star, Ed Asner, as the wonderful Hoggish Greedly:




















Next up, we have Cheers! star John Ratzenberger (who nerds, such as myself may also remember from The Empire Strikes Back as Major Bren Derlin - don't worry if you don't as I have an in-character shot coming up!) as Hoggish's sidekick Rigger:
















Now all you weird Star Trek fans out there may remember the voice of Kwame, our protagonist. It was none other than Next Generation star LeVar Burton:






















Now we really start to move into the great ones. Personally, these are the voices that really destroyed everything for me. Are you ready? Brace yourselves.


Verminous Skumm. Look, to be honest I have no idea who this character was. One can only assume he was a bad guy. I sincerly hope he got a horrible and drawn out death, as he was played by that loveable Jurrassic Park and Independence Day star, Jeff Goldblum:

















Zarm - another character I have no recollection of. The bad bit about this is that I actually really love the music that this guy has made during the course of his career, and his involvement with Captain Planet just makes me cringe. Okay, no more beating about the bush, the voice of Zarm was Sting.

























And lastly, but by no means least, I have the wonderful sealer for the voice 'talent' of Captain Planet. The voice of Dr. Blight, whom I believe was the evil psycho woman with half a burned face was none other than that wonderful, irrepressable 90s rom/com star, Meg Ryan.

























I'm sure you'll agree, all this news is just fantastic. I'm so happy.


Until next time, kids, remember: THE POWER IS YOURS!!!