Monday, September 18, 2006

Now bringing you ads in between entries as well as at the beginning and end!

So I've cut my hair strangely, dyed it black, taken to wearing horn-rimmed glasses even though I don't need them, and signed up at MySpace.*

Before you click the little 'x' in the top right hand corner (or left, if you are particularly intelligent and are on a mac) and run away screaming, I only did it for the music! Sure, a likely excuse. Well, whatever. I don't have much time to explain as these days I'm pretty flat out between slitting my wrists and taking new and interesting photos to post on my MySpace.

So in the unlikely even that you want to hear my music, or even more unlikely, that you also have an account and want to be my friend (did I mention that I'm amazed at how much more validated your relationship feels with another person if you can have them on your front page displayed as your very own, verifiable friend?) just drop by.

Anyway, if nothing else, it prompted me into a blog entry, right? Because blogs are perfectly normal and socially acceptable as compared to MySpace.

Right?


Oh yeah, and I apologise in advance for the poxy photo and bio. The photo is the only one I have on my computer, and the bio is... yeah, okay, the bio is just inexcusably lame.

And remember kiddies, every time MySpace crashes, 1000 emo kids commit grievous bodily harm to themselves.


*Actually I only signed up at MySpace. The rest was a filthy lie. Except I actually do need glasses. But not horn-rimmed glasses.

Monday, July 17, 2006

We now break from our regular programming for a message from our sponsors...

In the mild hope that someone will see this and turn up, my band has their first gig in Melbourne (and not Ballarat. Hah)!

I don't know much about the place, but from the photos on the website (http://www.driftersalibi.com/) it looks okay. Rod Laver (hah) here we come! So, the details:


Drifters Alibi
Crockford st (City End of Bay street)
Port Melbourne
13th August
With DJ support


I don't really know if there is an entry charge (I'm guessing so) and I don't know what time we start yet, but if anyone actually wants to come, I'll let you know when I know.

So yeah, come! And tell your friends! And your friend's friends. And your friend's friend's friends. But I am officially not to blame if it is a shit gig, because, well, because. Uh huh.


Oh yeah, the band's name is Jarrow. Not the greatest name in the world, but it does turn out it is an impoverished suburb of Newcastle in northern UK, so … yeah, that's a bit of … something. Mmmm.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Two controversial statements

Obvious statement:

Pirates of the Caribean 2 was incredibly, incredibly, incredibly GOD AWFUL BAD. Soul destroying. Terrible. Horrid. Gah. It makes the first one look like Citizen Kane.


Inflammatory statement:

Family Guy is lame. It is, and always will be incredibly unfunny.



That is all.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Fear for your lives - the apocolypse has arrived

It is with great pleasure that I announce that I have finally deserted the ranks of my fellow procrastinators and have achieved the level of "Learner Driver". Having driven home after the test, my pulse pumping harder than ever, adrenaline running through my veins, I wholeheartedly recommend that people actually act on the cliche and STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM THE ROADS.


Ahem. That is all.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Physical violence may need to be authorised to restrain me from entering JB-Hifi ever again.

I'm obsessed with spending money at JB. Honestly, they could just set up a shop outside my house and they'd probably make more money than Sanity or HMV do with their Burke st shops. A list of all the things that I have bought in the past year from JB (not including gifts for other people).

DVDs:

From Russia With Love
The World Is Not Enough
The 39 Steps
Alien
All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Batman Begins
The Bourne Identity
The Bourne Supremacy
To Catch A Thief
Close Encounters of the Third Kind
Cool Runnings (hey, it was cheap!)
Das Boot
Dr. Strangelove
A Fish Called Wanda
The Godfather
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Hero
The Hitchhiker's Guide To the Galaxy
Jamaica Inn
Jaws
Jurrassic Park
O Brother, Where Art Thou?
Rabbit Proof Fence
Ripley's Game
Schindler's List
The Silence of the Lambs
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Walkabout

CDs:

Doctor Zhivago OST
ET OST
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire OST
Munich OST
A Love Supreme - John Coltrane
Milestones - Miles Davis
Round About Midnight - Miles Davis
Extraordinary Machine - Fiona Apple
Parallel Lines - Blondie
Live at the Apollo '62 - James Brown
Call of the Valley - Various
The Essential Johnny Cash
Johnny Cash Live at Folsom Prison
Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin
Cities - The Cat Empire
The Essential Clash
The Harder They Come - Jimmy Cliff
Hiphoprisy is the Greatest Luxury - The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy
A Little Deeper - Ms. Dynamite
Earth, Wind and Fire's Super Hits (ha!)
Both Sides of the Gun - Ben Harper
Dap-Dippin' With… - Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings
Pearl - Janis Joplin
Power In Numbers - Jurassic Five
Double Fantasy - John Lennon & Yoko Ono
Welcome to Jamrock - Damian Marley
Burnin' - Bob Marley and the Wailers
Natty Dread - Bob Marley and the Wailers
Embrace the Chaos - Ozomatli
Parliament's Greatest Hits
Animals - Pink Floyd
Dark Side of the Moon - Pink Floyd
The Wall - Pink Floyd
Wish You Were Here - Pink Floyd
The Best of Sting and the Police (after which I bought Outlandos D'Amour and Zenyatta Mondatta second-hand)
The Battle of Los Angeles - Rage Against the Machine
Renegades - Rage Against the Machine
Stadium Arcadium - Red Hot Chili Peppers
Exile on Main St - The Rolling Stones
Never Mind the Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols
The Essential Sly and the Family Stone
Too Much, Too Young - The Specials
Classic Muddy Waters
Hard Again - Muddy Waters
Little Cloud - The Whitlams



Okay, that list is a little scary looking back at it. For a person with no real income, that's far too many purchases. Hmm.

So, I expect physical restraints to remove me from JB-Hifi, should anyone see me in there. I guess, though, that's not really going to solve the problem as many of them were bought from their online shop…

Friday, January 06, 2006

The declining state of my music tastes

What's worse?

The fact that Sinéad O'Connor made a reggae album, or the fact that I actually like some of the tracks?

Or is it just indicative that I'm struggling to come up with blog ideas?

Maybe it's just that I've spent $50 on iTunes when my Youth Allowance has just been cancelled. Bah.

More as it happens, people.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I'm feeling lucky. . .

Just a short exercise for everyone to try at home.

Go to Google. Here's a link so you don't even have type it in the address bar yourself.

Type in "failure". Now, click "I'm feeling lucky".

Hilarity.

Monday, November 07, 2005

Cindy Jacobs, Professional Prophet

While doing research for an assignment, I stumbled across this highly interesting speech given by Texan prophet, Cindy Jacobs. Now, while this is your regular, run of the mill Christian fundamentalist nutjob (oh, sorry, I really hope I'm offending someone out there), this certainly isn't your regular speech.

It was given at the Parliamentary Prayer Network conference at Parliament House, Canberra this year.

I'll leave all conclusions to you guys, but I'll just give you some choice quotes. The emphasis is mine, just to make sure you don't miss anything.

Well Australia you have a Word from the Lord. . . What is it? What about the unreached people? Do you know what kind of ethnic peoples of different races that are unevangelised live in your city? If you don't find out; you know prayer ripens the harvest; intercession ripens the harvest. But if you don't pray with knowledge and understanding then it won't be ripened. And what will happen and what has happened, and believe me I understand this, when you go for a certain target and you press towards the mark for the high calling, satan will do everything he can to pull you down to divert you. There will be a spirit of diversion sent to you. He will begin to do diversionary tactics. People will hurt your feelings. They will discourage you. Your finances might get hit. Whatever happens but I tell you it is a test too. Because what you focus on is what you love and the Lord wants to give us a passionate love for the harvest. A passionate love. Give me souls or I die. Give me Australia or I die. God wants to bring up certain people who will have that passion and will have that understanding. And so it is going to take stirring yourself up this morning. It is going to take recommitting yourself. . .

And I prophesy this: The Holy Spirit will so cause a Governmental shift in this land that other nations all over the world will want to study the government of Australia. And they will come and they will want to know why you have such little violence. They will want to know why you have such a model Government. They will want to know why you have such prosperity and the economy is so blessed. And the only reason you will he able to say is, we have modelled our Government upon the Laws of God. And people will come. They will come from all over the world from every religion. You mark it down, it will happen, it will happen. There is a Governmental shift taking place, first in the hearts of God's people in Australia but the day will happen that it will be greater than just a dream in the heart. It will happen. . .

You won't even have to worry because those Parliamentarians will bow their knee at the beginning of a session and they will declare the Lordship of Jesus. And they will want to do it. It won't be forced. It won’t be by coercion. And the Lord is dreaming big dreams for nations and He is looking for a people. He is looking for a people in a nation who really believe He can do anything. You listen to me. So start dreaming in here. So start dreaming in here. I am dreaming for you. I tell you what, that is revival greater than wehave ever stood. Revival. You know how those things happen. It happens one by one. The heart of the aboriginal people in the peoples of the earth, it happens one by one. And it will happen. Some of us will live to see it. We will see the fulfilment of that day. And I am not just talking about the millennium. You know we all want the Lord Jesus to come but we have a little work to do. We want to present Australia before the throne of God.





The full text of the speech can be found here, under "Excerpts from visiting speaker (Cindy Jacobs). You will also find another speech from her on the same page.

Sunday, October 09, 2005

The Power is YOURS!

I've been told I need to update. Fair enough, really, the previous entries weren't very good to begin with, so for anyone interested enough in my blog to come back time after time only to see the same old boring entries confronting them must test your patience. So, I decided to give in to popular request and make another entry. Hopefully this one won't be the most boring so far - although as you can imagine, it's up against some pretty stiff competition so I'd have to try hard to take that mantle.

It's also a pretty short entry, so don't expect a proposition from Wittgenstein.



While procrastinating on assignments, I uncovered some disturbing information on the internet.

Okay. That's not very revelatory, is it? Disturbing information on the internet? I'm less likely to find bigots at a Liberal Party meeting.

Maybe I should clarify. I have uncovered the deep, dirty and disgusting secrets of Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

That's right. Captain Planet.



Now, Captain Planet was, as I am sure you will agree, a gem of childhood. Not only us, as children, enjoyed his flamboyant good-looks and pollution-fighting skills, but to our parents he gave out a positive message: fight pollution, kids, especially when perpetrated by an obese man with a pig-like nose and ears and the mannerisms to go with them, going by the name of Hoggish Greedly.

So it was a genuine and terrible shock to me to discover the following information.

Captain Planet was created by Jane Fonda.


What.

The.

Hell.


But, as Tim, the advertising man would say, "but wait - there's more!"

Yes, children - more crimes in the name of children's entertainment.

Shall we take a look at the various voice talent that portrayed our heroes and villians? Or shall we not, and leave our childhood memories untainted? Read on, friends, and discover a woeful tale of destruction and evil unlike any you've heard before.


Gaia, our wonderful mother earth. Voice by who else than:
















Our favourite eyebrow-less actor, Whoopie Goldberg, of course!




That effervacious baddie, Looten Plunder was played by none other than:





















James Coburn, obviously!


Now, for a double-whammy, a duet virtually grown on midday TV! Firstly, we have Mary Tyler Moore star, Ed Asner, as the wonderful Hoggish Greedly:




















Next up, we have Cheers! star John Ratzenberger (who nerds, such as myself may also remember from The Empire Strikes Back as Major Bren Derlin - don't worry if you don't as I have an in-character shot coming up!) as Hoggish's sidekick Rigger:
















Now all you weird Star Trek fans out there may remember the voice of Kwame, our protagonist. It was none other than Next Generation star LeVar Burton:






















Now we really start to move into the great ones. Personally, these are the voices that really destroyed everything for me. Are you ready? Brace yourselves.


Verminous Skumm
. Look, to be honest I have no idea who this character was. One can only assume he was a bad guy. I sincerly hope he got a horrible and drawn out death, as he was played by that loveable Jurrassic Park and Independence Day star, Jeff Goldblum:

















Zarm - another character I have no recollection of. The bad bit about this is that I actually really love the music that this guy has made during the course of his career, and his involvement with Captain Planet just makes me cringe. Okay, no more beating about the bush, the voice of Zarm was Sting.

























And lastly, but by no means least, I have the wonderful sealer for the voice 'talent' of Captain Planet. The voice of Dr. Blight, whom I believe was the evil psycho woman with half a burned face was none other than that wonderful, irrepressable 90s rom/com star, Meg Ryan.

























I'm sure you'll agree, all this news is just fantastic. I'm so happy.


Until next time, kids, remember: THE POWER IS YOURS!!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Romper Suburbia

This morning, at the bus stop, a man approached me, about 60 or so. Retiring age, at least, which is what makes sense given the rest of our conversation.

He asked me all about the bus that I was about to catch.
"Where does it go?"
"Where does it stop?"
"What are the nearest train stations? How long does it take to walk there? Is there a bus that goes in the direction of the trains?"

I was perfectly happy to submit to this inquisition, as I was only standing, listening to my iPod. I must admit, I was slightly curious as to why he was asking all these questions though, but he answered that question for me shortly.

"You see, I'm looking to move in to this neighbourhood and I'm doing a bit of research to see what it is like."

A flurry of questions as to the nature of the suburb erupted.

"What is it like, living here?"

It's nice. A good community atmosphere in the township.

"Is it quiet?"

Yeah. Usually, although the docks keep me awake sometimes. You get used to it.

"What type of people live here?"

Old and young. The people here are either yuppies or pensioners. But I didn't tell him that. Old and young is good enough for yuppies and pensioners, right?

"So, no kids?"

Yeah, not many kids. I was later told off by mum for neglecting to tell him about the group of mothers who prowl in packs around the area. Did I say 'prowl in packs'? I meant 'go walking in a communal group'.

"So,"

He says this as he leans towards me, away from the Asian couple also waiting at the bus stop.

"Are there many Asians living around here?"

He's leaning in now, like we share some great Anglo secret. I look at the Asian couple. They are completely unaware of what has just been said. Or rather, what has just been implied.

Yeah. A few 'Asians' live around here, I say. I wish I'd said more. At the time, truth be told, I thought I better not go into political correct vitriol mode as there could be a perfectly acceptable reason for him asking such a question. A perfectly acceptable reason? What tripe.

No, Mr. Retiree here is a class A racist. Not only are Asians inferior to him, all anglos must share some implicit bond that permits him to ask offensive questions of them like they share some great aryan bond.

Mr. Retiree asks a few more questions, thanks me and moves on.

I just get on my bus. Ugh.